पत्नी और घड़ी के बीच का संबंध

पत्नी और घड़ी के बीच का संबंध :

 

1. घड़ी चौबीस घंटे टिक-टिक करती रहती है और पत्नी चौबीस घंटे चिक-चिक करती रहती है!

2. घड़ी की सूइयाँ घूम-फिर कर वहीं आ जाती हैं और उसी प्रकार पत्नी को आप कितना भी समझा लो, वो घूम-फिर कर वहीं आ जायेगी और अपनी ही बात मनवायेगी!

3. घड़ी में जब 12 बजते हैं तो तीनों सूइयाँ एक दिखाई देती हैं, लेकिन पत्नी के जब 12 बजते हैं तो एक पत्नी भी 6-6 दिखाई देती है!

4. घड़ी के अलार्म बजने का फिक्स टाइम है लेकिन पत्नी के अलार्म बजने का कोई फिक्स टाइम नहीं है!

5. घड़ी बिगड़ जाये तो रूक जाती है लेकिन जब पत्नी बिगड़ जाये तो शुरू हो जाती है!

6. घड़ी बिगड़ जाये तो मैकेनिक के यहाँ जाती है पत्नी बिगड़ जाये तो मायके जाती है!

7. घड़ी को चार्ज करने के लिये सेल(बैटरी) का प्रयोग होता है और पत्नी को चार्ज करने के लिये सैलेरी का प्रयोग होता है!

8. लेकिन सबसे बड़ा अंतर ये कि घड़ी को जब आपका दिल चाहे बदल सकते हैं मगर पत्नी को चाह कर भी बदल नहीं सकते उल्टा पत्नी के हिसाब से आपको खुद को बदलना पड़ता है!

पत्नी और घड़ी के बीच का संबंध

HEART ATTACK

 

HEART ATTACKS AND WATER !

 How many folks do you know who say they don’t want to drink anything before going to bed because they’ll have to get up during the night.

 Heart Attack and Water – I never knew all of this ! Interesting…….

 Something else I didn’t know … I asked my Doctor why people need to urinate so much at night time. Answer from my Cardiac Doctor – Gravity holds water in the lower part of your body when you are upright (legs swell). When you lie down and the lower body (legs and etc) seeks level with the kidneys, it is then that the kidneys remove the water because it is easier. This then ties in with the last statement!

 I knew you need your minimum water to help flush the toxins out of your body, but this was news to me. Correct time to drink water…Very Important. From A Cardiac Specialist!

Drinking water at a certain time maximizes its effectiveness on the body:

ü  2 glasses of water after waking up – helps activate internal organs

ü  1 glass of water 30 minutes before a meal – helps digestion

ü  1 glass of water before taking a bath – helps lower blood pressure

ü  1 glass of water before going to bed – avoids stroke or heart attack

I can also add to this… My Physician told me that water at bed time will also help prevent night time leg cramps. Your leg muscles are seeking hydration when they cramp and wake you up with a Charlie Horse.

Mayo Clinic Aspirin Dr. Virend Somers, is a Cardiologist from the Mayo Clinic, who is lead author of the report in the July 29, 2008 issue of the Journal of the American College of Cardiology.

Most heart attacks occur in the day, generally between 6 A.M. and noon. Having one during the night, when the heart should be most at rest, means that something unusual happened. Somers and his colleagues have been working for a decade to show that sleep apnea is to blame.

 1. If you take an aspirin or a baby aspirin once a day, take it at night.

 The reason: Aspirin has a 24-hour “half-life”; therefore, if most heart attacks happen in the wee hours of the morning, the Aspirin would be strongest in your system.

 2. FYI, Aspirin lasts a really long time in your medicine chest, for years, (when it gets old, it smells like vinegar).

 Please read on…

 Something that we can do to help ourselves – nice to know. Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve instantly on the tongue.

 They work much faster than the tablets.

 Why keep Aspirin by your bedside? It’s about Heart Attacks.

 There are other symptoms of a heart attack, besides the pain on the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating; however, these symptoms may also occur less frequently.

 Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack.

The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.

If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.

Afterwards: – Call 911. – Phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by.- Say “heart attack!” – Say that you have taken 2 Aspirins.

Take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and …DO NOT LIE DOWN!

HEART ATTACK

Joke

Santa Apne Dost K Ghar Se Apne Ghar Jane Laga To Bahar Barish Ho Rahi Thi . .
Dost: Aaj Mere Paas Hi Ruk Jao. Barish Bohat Tez Hai.
Santa : Ok … . . Dost Ne Bistar Lagaya aur Dekha To Santa Ghayab Tha.
1 Ghante Baad Santa Bheegta Hua Aaya aur Kehne Laga. . .
‘Yaar Main Ghar Waalon Ko Bataane Gaya Tha K Aaj Barish Ki Wajah Se Main Ghar Nahi Aa Sakunga’

Joke

Joke

A man who is a manager in 5 star hotel calls his wife.
Husband: Aaj khaane mein kya pakaya hai?
Wife: Steamed fine long grain white rice hand-picked in the emerald green lap of the Vindhyas, accompanied by a golden lentil soup that was gently simmered over the smouldering kisses of angels.
Husband:matlab??
Wife:dal chaval.
Husband:to itna ghumaya kyo
Wife:maine to wohi kaha jo tum 5 star wale public ko kehte ho.

Joke

True Story

कुछ दिन पहले मेरे पास एक फ्रेंड रिक्वेस्ट आई । यह किसी प्रिया अरोड़ा के नाम से थी ।अमूमन मेरे पास पुरुषों की रिक्वेस्ट तो आती रहती हैं मगर इस बार एक सुकन्या ने र…िक्वेस्ट भेजी थी सो चौंकना स्वभाविक था ।एक्सैप्ट करने से पहले मैने आदतन उसकी प्रोफाइल को चैक किया तो पता चला अभी तक उसकी मित्रता सूची में कोई भी नहीं है । शक हुआ कि कहीं कोई फेक तो नहीं है फिर सोचा नहीं…., हो सकता है फेसबुक ने इस यूजर को नया मानते हुए इसे मेरे साथ मित्रता करने के लिए suggest किया हो ।प्रोफाइल फोटो नदारद देखकर मैनें अंदाजा लगाया शायद नई है और उसे फोटो अपलोड करनी नहीं आती या फिर वो संकोची हो सकती है anyway मैनें उसे ऐड कर लिया ।सबसे पहले उसकी ओर से धन्यवाद आया फिर मेरे हर सटेटस को लाईक और कमेंटस मिलने शुरू हो गए ।मैं अपने इस नए कद्रदान को पाकर बेहद खुश हुआ. सिलसिला आगे बढ़ा और अब मेरी निजी जिंदगी से संबधित कमेंटस आने लगे ।मेरी पसंद नापसंद को पूछा जाने लगा । अब वो कुछ रोमांटिक सी शायरी भी पोस्ट करने लगी थी. एक दिन मोहतरमा ने पूछा : क्या आप अपनी बीवी से प्यार करते हैं ? मैनें झट से कह दिया : हाँ. वो चुप हो गई । अगले दिन उसने पूछा : क्या आपकी मैडम सुंदर है ? इस बार भी मैने वही जवाब दिया :हाँ बहुत सुंदर है । अगले दिन वो बोली : क्या आपकी बीवी खाना अच्छा बनाती है? ” बहुत ही स्वादिष्ट” मैनें जवाब दिया । फिर कुछ दिन तक वो नजर नहीं आई । अचानक कल सुबह उसने मैसेज बाक्स में लिखा “मैं आपके शहर में आई हूँ क्या आप मुझसे मिलना चाहेंगे” मैनें कहा : श्योर । “तो ठीक है आ जाइये ओम सिने गार्डन में मिल भी लेंगे और मूवी भी देख लेंगे” ।
मैनें कहा नहीं- “मैडम आप आ जाइये मेरे घर पर, मेरे बीवी बच्चे आपसे मिलकर खुश होंगे । मेरी बीवी के हाथ का खाना भी खाकर देखियेगा । बोली : नहीं, मैं आपकी मैडम के सामने नहीं आऊँगी आपने आना है तो आ जाओ ।
मैंने उसे अपने यहाँ बुलाने की काफी कोशिश की मगर वो नहीं मानी । वो बार बार अपनी पसंद की जगह पर बुलाने की जिद पर अड़ी थी और मैं उसे अपने यहाँ । वो झुंझला उठी और बोली : ठीक है मैं वापिस जा रही हूँ तुम डरपोक अपने घर पर ही बैठो । मैनें फिर उसे समझाने का प्रयास किया और सार्वजनिक स्थल पर मिलने के खतरे गिनायें पर वो नहीं मानी । हारकर मैंने कह दिया : मुझसे मिलना है तो मेरे परिवार वालों के सामने मिलो नहीं तो अपने घर जाओा । वो अॉफलाइन हो गई । शाम को घर पहुँचा तो डायनिंग टेबल पर लज़ीज खाना सजा हुआ था । मैनें पत्नी से पूछा: कोई आ रहा है क्या खाने पर ? हाँ प्रिया अरोड़ा आ रही है ।
व्हाट !! वो तुम्हें कहाँ मिली तुम उसे कैसे जानती हो?
“तसल्ली रखिये साहब, वो प्रिया मैं ही थी, आप मेरे जासूसी मिशन के दौरान परीक्षा में पास हुए. आओ मेरे सच्चे हमसफर, खाना खायें, ठंडा हो रहा है

Nand Kishore

True Story

Joke

Punjab me 1Train k niche 100 Sardar aa gye! 99 Mar gye, 1 Bach gya.

Reportr ne Usse Pucha ‘ye Kaise hua?’

Sardr-Galat Announcement hui,

‘Shatabdi Platform pe aa rhi h!’ Sab Ghabra k Platform se Utar k Patri pe Aa gye!

Par Train Platform pe nhi, Patri pe Ayi.

Reportr-Aur Aap Samjhdar nikle Jo Patri pe nahi utre!

Sardar-Ji nahi, Mai to Suicide karne Aaya tha, Announcmnt Sunkar Patri se Hat k Platform Pe Let gya.

Joke

Joke

Santa and Banta were playing chess

(joke doesn’t end here)…

Santa – chal yaar bas karte hein. … Banta – Haan yaar, waise bhi tera sirf haathi bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda.

(joke doesn’t end here either)…

Phir wahan Vishwanathan Anand aata hai.

Vishy – Chalo Santa-Banta chess khelte hein.

Santa-Banta: nahi. Aap to hume aasaani se haraa doge.

Vishy: chalo yaar. Tum dono aur main akela.

Santa-Banta: phir bhi hum haar jaayenge.

Vishy: Ok. Main left haath se khelunga.

Santa-Banta: haan. Phir theek hai.

(the joke still doesn’t end here).

Dono obviously haar jaate hein aur Vishy chalaa jaata hai.

Santa: badi sharmnaak baat hai yaar. Let hand se bhi haraa diya usne.

(wait yaar joke still is on).

Banta: abe bewakoof banaa gaya who hume.

Santa: who kaise.

Banta: Saala lefty hi hoga….

Joke

Amazing Scientific Facts

Monsoon’s showing off like hell…and so is the widespread of mosquitos and pathogens..Have a mosquito problem??? Take a look at this remedy!

At your next outdoor gathering try this SAFE and EFFECTIVE method of keeping mosquitoes at bay! Simply slice a lime in half and press in a good amount of cloves for an ALL NATURAL mosquito repellent…

Poornima Sardana

Violence Post Silence (Rhyme not intended)

I do not know what he gained from it, his weird stare right in the morning. Once he saw me coming he started walking at an angle so that he could reach in close proximity, for what? a better view? Saare uncle log subah subah park  mein yoga kar rahe hain, is anokhe insaan ka dimaag kahin aur hi hai!

At times I stare back, at times I stop with arms folded and smile, when younger I would hit, this time I just moved on, I have too many priorities to think about, than to waste my time on a nymphomaniac , or so I thought and remained silent. … I went out in the day, came back late evening and within this short duration of commuting, I had a few more perverts to ignore. It is like home work piling up after each bell, a daily grotesque ritual.

The drunk cycle rickshaw puller whose rickshaw I jumped off from, the ten or more men who sat on charpoys along the bridge and watched me do so, giving their necks a hard time;

(( Bell ))

The auto rickshaw driver who refused to follow the route I was describing

(( Bell ))

The two jerks in the car while we were stuck in traffic (if only that man would listen to me and not take the longer route! and if only he wouldn’t turn back so often!)

(( Bell ))

The men who walked by as I walked home from market;

(( Bell ))

The men sitting in their car and drinking;

(( Bell ))

The man in the car which had to stop for me (i think he stared more out of hatred) and so on.

(((( Longer bel l))))

—–home——

If you think it is easier or more convenient to ignore, it is not.

It could cause you neck troubles, because you strain to look away, and at times if being stared at from different angles, you got to find a weird angle for your own neck as well, to avoid every freakin eyeball.

It is not easy, it requires a lot of thought and energy to maintain this version of “peace”. If your mother tells you its safer, it is not. Silence encourages idiots to be bullies and you restrict your own self with your fears. And fear is unsafe for your health.

AT times you take drastic steps out of frustration, which gets built over time. I have used the pepper spray to almost brutal results, not too often though. When it is in my hand, I try and draw power from it, which I could have drawn from within myself, if I weren’t scared, which would happen if I were not told to ignore, to keep quiet and to keep this daily shit within me.

In the end, some day you might get violent, so its better to use lesser energy on dialogue, complaint or being stern etc every day.

No matter what you do, you can’t miss that stare, and to ignore itself, becomes a task, a horrible home-work. And I so regret that I wasted my energy in ignoring them. might as well have taught a lesson or two. Next time, next time for sure!

a tiring day…indeed..

Poornima Sardana

Long time back, prior to any examination I would be scared to death. I was never scared of ignorance though, which cruelly haunts me now. I was not worried about that which happens around me, I was only scared of not remembering that which was deemed important as per our syllabus.

Year after year, I would invest time… and energy in accepting unquestioned information as also fear of forgetting the same, the fear of failure, the fear of being mocked at or not being accepted. As soon as the exams were over, the relevance of that text would decline, I would never think of how it would be of use to me, how it could assist me in my exploration of life, it was a task which was to be done well.

A few of those report cards are still lying somewhere in some file. I remember making fake chapattis for my doll with a pink one though; They haven’t served much purpose than informing me of the numbers representing how much I had forgotten. They do not tell me of what all I actually missed beyond my syllabus, what all I missed by not truly understanding what was in my syllabus.

Like a mindless machine, I functioned, functioned well as per certain standards, and came out with some papers claiming something about me in certain codes. I was eligible for certain things in life from here onwards according to someone who I don’t really know.

A system which managed to homogenize even the artwork you make in drawing exam (conical peaks, rivulet, sun, sun rays, tree, hut), though being questioned, seems far from a revolution it strongly demands. The solutions are not to be alternate, as they are called, but be able to change the system from within. I remember getting a 40 out of 100 in my drawing examination, for I drew tortoise and snails, maize and as I very clearly remember, no sun. I enjoyed sketching then, and did not really care about the grades for it.I lied to my parents that especially for drawing examination, marks are out of 60, I wish I could have cared even less for grades in other subjects. i wish I had enjoyed reading those texts as much as I enjoy reading our prescribed texts now, or I enjoyed reading my story-books then. It is not too much to wish for I hope.

Once in a soap factory in Japan, the soap cover was mistakenly packed without soap in it i.e. empty box. To avoid the it in the future, they purchased an X-Ray machine of 60,000 Dollars to check if soap is Packed in every cover or not, in the assembly line..

Same problem occurred in India

What did they do?  They Simply put a Fan beside the Assembly line.

Empty boxes were flown away!

“Jai ho Indian Dimag ki”

Poornima Sardana

So you run, and you run as if it were your last train. There is a streak of madness, almost a wild chase, for reasons  not required to be explained, but the point is, you run.

You run like you haven’t in quite some time, ever since you chose to be a potato feasting on school books. You run and as you run you can’t recall the last time you did so, you keep trying but memory fails to erupt an image.

No you don’t find it thrilling. … Your legs tremble, your heart palpitates as if those were the last few seconds of life.Your knee jerks, you feel the heat in your cheeks, but you run, you know you are getting slower and slower, but you run.

And when you do stop, you feel as if you are dying, only to reflect the next moment and realize, you are already dead.

At times, it is a realization as harsh as this, which shakes you up and demands that you get up and start living, that you stop letting yourself be this haggered body with no stamina or strength.

I felt dead today and it is not very nice.

Poornima Sardana

Long time back, when we were in school, there came a phase when almost the entire city would gift  a wind chime as a birthday present.

If you would receive a present, you could study the shape of the box, shake it a bit, and you need not guess anymore, it would be the most innovative present on planet, the one and onl…y, wind chime!!! I understand, it is not the gift that matters, but the intent. But after hanging a wind chime in your washrooms as well, you do feel cautious of every new box that comes your way.

We would mostly purchase gifts from a few limited gift centres which would be overflowing with those. They were in different shapes and sizes, in varied styles, in multiple colors. There were explorations in different materials as well, plastic, glass, wood, metal, clay etc.You visit a house, and you would see a wind chime in the most unexpected places, for they had just so many! Many houses could be very well considered museums of wind chimes.I remember being scared at nights, for our neighbours’ huge wind chime, hanging at their entrance would sound ghostly in the wind.

Slowly people started passing them forward through festivals and other occasions where exchange happens. We were all entrapped within a system of wind chimes. It was almost like a nightmare where the wind chime virus is crazily multiplying, and you are getting deeper and deeper into the wind chime well and then there is a wind chime whirlpool and their sound is echoing in the valley which is flooded with wind chimes and there is a storm and crazy lightning and guess what, every drop sounds like a wind chime! People are running everywhere but they can’t escape those gifts. Their houses have no space left, how much more can you accumulate? The world has no space left, you leave the world and you realize that the universe is but a wind chime. You cannot take it anymore…darkness…sleep.

Today is but a new day.

This morning I was greeted with the sight of an old faithful green wind chime, gifted to me by my friend on my birthday. I ran to check the washrooms, the wind chime with the mermaid is there no more. I checked in my room, the red wind chime s probably removed, it did look hideous though. And I suddenly wondered, where did the wind chimes disappear?

Aditi J Aggarwal

My dearest papa, I am so lucky to have you as my father, you have always been there for me no matter what, you have influence my life in a very positive way , I love you with all my heart and soul and pray to god to make you my papa in all the births, this picture of mine reminds me of you, when I look at it I see you or should I say your shadow, love you a lot papa, I truly wish I could love and support my children as much, me and Deepak Mehtani know very well that you have so much of concern and love for us now spreading to KAR     Nisha Gurnani and Rajiv Aggarwal  they are lucky to have you as grandpa/FI. I take this opportunity to wish you a very happy Father’s Day from all of us may you keep loving and blessing us *hugs* OXOXO — with Subhash Mehtani.

 

Haryanvi called his mobile service customer care:

“Re maari bhains ne sim khaa li aur bhaag gi…”

Customer Care executive (irritated): … “to main ke karoo?”

Haryanvi replied: “rey baavle, tu mane yo bataa ki roaming to naa lagegi?…”

Poornima Sardana

I took the road to nowhere, for I have never traced its entire length. No matter how much I walk, it seems to never end.

The grass is green where birds do hop, where dogs sleep and cows graze. The crows sit on the wet branches, their leaves heavy with droplets from last night.

Brown Ducks, they swim in circles, while… those in white call for attention. The clouds are dark and the lake glitters, water flows and is no more still.

People walk in silence, for in silence is so much to hear. Some run, some sit and watch, I just choose to walk.

It rains, a very friendly rain.

PUNJABI: GOD GIVE ME ROOM FULL OF GOLD

GUJRATI: GOD GIVE ME ROOM FULL OF DIAMONDS

MARWARI: GOD GIVE ME ROOM FULL OF GEMS

…

SINDHI: GOD GIVE ME KEYS OF ALL THESE ROOMS

PROUD TO BE A SINDHI. SINDHI ROCKS !!!!!

Ek sindhi aur ek Marwadi ne samundar ke kinaare board lagaa dekha jis par likha tha:

“Doobte ko bachaane waale ko Rs. 500 ka Inaam”.

Marwadi: Main jump lagaata hu, tum mujhe bachaana. Is tarah Rs. 500 milenge aur hum fifty fity kar lenge.

Ye kah kar marwadi ne jump lagaa diya.

Sindhi Khaamoshi se dekhta raha to marwadi ne chilla kar kaha: Mujhe tairna nahi aata, tum mujhe bachaate kyun nahi?

Sindhi: Tum ne board ke neeche nahi padaa.

Neeche likha tha: “Laash nikaalne waale ko Rs. 5000 ka Inaaam”.

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